Until reasonably recently, I'd absolved myself of all responsibility for not having a girlfriend by deciding that I didn't have a
type, and that I'd judge every possible candidate that crossed my path on their individual merits. Such passivity also meant, naturally, that it wasn't down to me to do any form of looking, that it was down to Miss Right to fling herself in my direction, that doing nothing would result in the best possible outcome. Recently, I met Miss Wrong. The things about her that make her Miss Wrong have made me realise that I
do have potential partner preferences. These are:
Intelligence - I love mental agility, someone who is naturally comfortable with complex ideas and abstract concepts, which leads into...
Articulate conversation skills- Not only someone who's smart, but whose sharpness shows through as they speak. Someone who can put forward their side of an argument convincingly, and can unravel someone else's. Again, leading into...
Strength of opinion and principles- If being intelligent is a measure of the ease with which difficult ideas can be conceptualised, and if being articulate is a measure of the ease with which those ideas can be expressed, then strength of opinion is about
why it's worth arguing. My principles and values are central to the way I live my life, and I'd want the same in a girlfriend.
Indie sensibilities- Without meaning to sound superficial, this is mostly about personal style and look. I don't mean skinny jeans and backcombed hair necessarily, but that I'd like the kind of girlfriend that looks more charity shop than Topshop, more Hot Hot Heat than Heat Magazine. Indie as in indie music, but also as in independent from mainstream fashion. And not even necessarily an indie music scenester type, just someone who doesn't dress like an identikit High St mannekin.
Sexiness- I can tell if I think a woman is sexy almost as soon as we meet. If she's intelligent, articulate, principled and 'indie,' then we're off to a good start. There must be physical attraction, but I can't specify how that manifests itself except that the prospect of making love should be exciting.
No fuss attitude- I find someone who's willing to get their hands dirty, to put up with the cold for ten minutes of walking rather than seek out a cab, to clamber over the occasional fence much more attractive than someone who won't go out if it's raining.
Creativity- Inspire me! Surprise me!
Shared values- I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't believe in recycling, for example. Or with someone who steals. Or someone who's always smashed on drugs. I've laid out some of my values above, I'd hope that the things I've mentioned would be important to the sort of woman I'd fall for.
Miss Wrong does have some of these traits, but there is something about the overall package that mean that she just isn't Miss Right. I don't think I'm being too picky.
