I really hate moaning, but I’ve had a shitty old week, and I’m going to splurge a little.
I’ve been ill. I’ve spent the week coughing up phlegm – syrupy, foul-tasting phlegm – and lounging around with no energy at all. I broke the controller for the playstation on the first day that I was off work, and even the internet has started to bore me. The whole of the wordwide, wonderful, wonderful web to explore, and I’m bored. No smoking, for the sake of my lungs, and no booze, to help me recover. My mood has been rotten all week.
But there’s more. I’ve had the break-up blues in a way I hadn’t imagined I would. I’d been second guessing my own feelings about breaking up for a while before it actually happened. I’d glibly told Liz that, when we broke up, I might not want to be in touch with her for a while afterwards. Months, I’d said. I bet that sounded really strong at the time. It did in my head.
Entirely opposite to what I said, I’ve wanted to get in touch with Liz every single day this week. I've really wanted to see her, to speak to her. In part it’s been because I’ve been so bored, but that’s the smallest part of why. It isn’t because I want the chance to change her mind about breaking up – I don’t believe you can change a mind that’s made up. It’s two things. Firstly, I miss her. I miss her voice, the way she'd listen to me, the lift of her eyebrows that said, “do you really think that?” Secondly, I’m impatient. I really want to be friends with Liz. I’ve grown very close to her, and she’s very important to me. And I want to get started on being friends as soon as possible. I’m itching to get the next step underway. Let's start now!
No comments:
Post a Comment