At least forty feet long, and a good eight feet wide

“Would you like to come over for mulled wine and curry?”

Two curries in two days? Could my gut take that? Yes, it could. Especially when the invitation came from the lovely Yvonne. She moved in just down the road about a week ago, and I’d been itching to go round - partly to take a look at a house very similar to my own and partly because I'd like to get to know more about the lovely Yvonne.

Walking around her house gave me an odd sense of déjà vu. It occupies the same side of its semi-detached pair as my house, and is about ten doors down the street. It’s more or less identical, or rather, once was. Each house has seen extensions in different directions, and improvements in slightly different ways. It was like that moment in The Real Inspector Hound when lines you’ve heard before appear in the mouths of other characters. The sink is on the other side of the kitchen. The window is on the other side of the bathroom. The same, but different too. Yvonne and I have the same bedroom, looking over the back garden.

The back garden was covered in virgin snow. Yvonne and I decided to draw a massive cock and balls in the snow with our footprints, like some pagan fertility ritual to celebrate the passing of the winter solstice. It was at least forty feet long, and a good eight feet wide. What a shame that it was too dark for photos.

The others arrived later, and we ate. The boys played PES. We drank more, ate pies, watched TV, had a bit of reefer. It was a wonderfully homely evening. At the end of the night, I was quite drunk. I had a great time.