Fire Alarm

Chas and I took these photos of the team during today’s false fire alarm. Someone from the ______ team across the hall accidentally broke the glass on one of the alarms.

Laura and Phil made Burglar’s bangers and mash with the stolen sausages. And I made this…

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Dear Sir / Madam,

BURGLARY IN YOUR AREA

We are writing to warn you about a recent burglary in your area. This letter is not intended to cause alarm, only to urge increased vigilance on the part of you, the resident.

Taking simple steps, such as ensuring doors and windows are locked, or using simple light timers, can prevent many burglaries. Do not leave any valuable objects on display, in particular portable goods like mobile phones and laptops. Use property marking on valuable electronic equipment.

It would appear that in the looming shadow of the current economic downturn, certain household items have become so desirable that some sick criminals are now targeting even them. Recently there has been a flurry of thefts of the following items:

• Raw meat products, particularly sausages, beef burgers
• Branded snack foods, especially Pringles, Twiglets
• Premium lagers, such as Kronenbourg 1664

There is no cause for alarm. Take simple precautions to make sure you do not become another weeping victim of this disgusting crime. These heartless bandits may strike at anytime. Padlock your fridges. Bolt your kitchen doors. Be cautious about who you invite to your parties, and about who shows up. We will not let these evil bastards win.

Take care of yourselves, and each other,

Inspector Kenny Baker
Didsbury Police Team
Greater Manchester Police

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Ha!